Today, my wife and I took our two-year-old to an amusement park. Twenty minutes after shelling out the big bucks for the ride bracelets, my kid starts crying inconsolably. I'm nominated to take him home. My wife is now calling me every twenty minutes to tell me how much fun she's having while I clean up diarrhea. -Jeffro, South Carolina.
Today, after searching for my real mother, I found out that my biological mother wasn't a drug addicted teenager. No, my biological mother is the one I grew up with for twenty-four years, who always told me I was adopted. -Anonymous, California.
Today, I'm babysitting a friend's children. There are 6 wild kids altogether. After two hours of them running wild, screaming, and destroying my things, they managed to lock me in the bedroom. I can't get the door open, I'm on the second story, and my friends won't be back until the morning. -Anonymous, Illinois.
Today, I found out that my son has been using my American Express card I keep in a drawer for emergencies and has been hiding the bill when it comes in the mail. He's been doing this for four months and has charged over $3,000. -newlybroke, US
Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." -Teaching26, Virginia.
Today, I found out that my teenage daughter isn't really pregnant, and only said she was in the hopes of my husband and I throwing her out of our home. -sadmum, Australia
Today, I discovered my eight-year-old decided to turn off the freezer... yesterday. So for Mother's Day, instead of not cooking anything, I'll be cooking EVERYTHING. -minnamouse, Alabama
Today, my little brother thought that it would be funny to put my Xbox games in the toaster and melt them. This was the day I was going to sell my Xbox and games to get an engagement ring for my girlfriend. -Xbox Raped, UK.
Today, my daughter started crying at the mall. My daughter is 17, and she was crying because I wouldn't buy her 'Hello Kitty' stickers. -HelloKittyHater, Washington.
Today, a group of kids with their teacher were walking by me. One of them pointed at me and asked their teacher if I was a boy or girl. The teacher responded with, "That's a boy." Wrong. -t, Maryland