WHY ME?! Purse Horror Stories

In honor of my new purse listing, these horror stories all involve purses. Enjoy! (but not too much :P)

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She picked up a hundred dollars on the floor that somebody dropped. I told her, "I feel sorry for the retard who dropped the money." When I got home, I checked my purse and realized that I was missing a hundred dollars.  -Anonymous, Canada


Today, I was relaxing on the couch after a long day with my annoying aunt when I heard my sister come in from the garage. I loudly asked, "Do you think Aunt Stacy knows everybody doesn't like her?" It wasn't my sister. It was my aunt returning my purse I had left in her car. -katara, NJ


Today, I was getting off the bus, when these two guys behind me started commenting on my bag, oblivious to the fact that I could hear them say, "Look at his ugly man-purse," and "It that looks like the satchel that Indiana Jones has". I'm a girl. Who is planning majoring in fashion studies. -Indiana, Canada


Today, I was helping my friend pack her carry on for her vacation. I drove her to the airport, and after her plane took off, I noticed I put my cell phone in her purse. Her vacation is 2 months long. -Anonymous, California


Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. -blackedout, Singapoe

WHY ME?! Life Horror Stories

Today, I painted an area I had carefully sanded, cleaned, and taped off. I pulled a fan out of the closet to help dry it faster. I turned the fan on, and a million dust particles flew off onto the wet paint. -Carmen, Ohio.

Today, I cheated on my math exam. I still failed. -hopeless, New York


Today, I had to present a powerpoint infront of my class. When I was finished, no one clapped. On my way back to my seat, I slipped on a pencil and fell straight on my face. That's when everyone clapped. -Franigirl, Virginia.


Today, I lost a glove while snowboarding. I got off my board to find it, when a bunch of kids took the opportunity to kick my snowboard down the hill, while yelling "Run, Forrest, run!" as I frantically chased after it. -gumpy, New Hampshire


Today, I asked out a girl I like to a movie. She said "I hate babysitting." -Anonymous, Egypt


Today, I took a picture of myself and put it on Facebook. After I did so, I realized that in the background, you can see my crush's Facebook page up on my laptop. He tagged himself. -Anonymous, Connecticut


Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed to be quite the gentleman. I was proven wrong when he told me to "shut it" during dinner, stiffed me on the bill, and then left me at the restaurant so he could get his own taxi home. -Ohdear, United Kingdom

"WHY ME?" Health Horror Stories

Today, after over a year of intense diet and exercise, I finally lost 30 lbs and got into a size 0. When I was hanging out with my friends I told them the good news. The girls all congratulated me. One guy said, "You looked way hotter 30 lbs ago." The other 15 guys all agreed.  -iwannabeamodel, Nevada


Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes.If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. -kaylajere, Texas

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table.I reached up and caught it, and it stung me. It wasn't a fly, it was a wasp and I'm allergic to wasps. 

Today, I was viciously attacked by a dog. Or to be more precise, by a miniature schnauzer named Princess. -puppy chow, Illinois


Today, I was limping down a wet street on my crutches. So that I wouldn't slip, I took small safe steps. As I try to avoid a puddle on the footpath, my crutches slip on a wet leaf and cause me to fall over onto my arm. My wrist is now sprained. The same wrist I need to use my crutches. -lostdans, Australia


Today, I showed my mom my new bikini I had just purchased. She slightly smiled and then went out shopping.Two hours later, she came home with slimfast, diet coke, and yoga dvds because I needed "help" for bikini season. -longlegs, New Jersey


Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. -fatgirl, US

Today, after taking a pregnancy test and carefully disposing of all the evidence so no one would find out, I realized I left the receipt for it on the bathroom counter. I noticed too late as I watch my mom step out of the bathroom, and my step-father go in right after. -Anonymous, Canada


Today, it was 95 degrees out. My cheap father refused to turn on the air conditioning, even after I passed out. -Super_Hot, US


Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." -fatpooch, Canada


Today, I was yelled at for bleeding. My brother threw a baseball at me while I was studying with my headphones on, which broke one of my teeth. I was yelled at for getting blood on my new shirt and my brother's autographed baseball. I have to replace both of them. -Anonymous, New Mexico


All found on Fmylife.com

"WHY ME?" Child Horror Stories

Today, my wife and I took our two-year-old to an amusement park. Twenty minutes after shelling out the big bucks for the ride bracelets, my kid starts crying inconsolably. I'm nominated to take him home. My wife is now calling me every twenty minutes to tell me how much fun she's having while I clean up diarrhea. -Jeffro, South Carolina.

Today, after searching for my real mother, I found out that my biological mother wasn't a drug addicted teenager. No, my biological mother is the one I grew up with for twenty-four years, who always told me I was adopted. -Anonymous, California.

Today, I'm babysitting a friend's children. There are 6 wild kids altogether. After two hours of them running wild, screaming, and destroying my things, they managed to lock me in the bedroom. I can't get the door open, I'm on the second story, and my friends won't be back until the morning. -Anonymous, Illinois.

Today, I found out that my son has been using my American Express card I keep in a drawer for emergencies and has been hiding the bill when it comes in the mail. He's been doing this for four months and has charged over $3,000. -newlybroke, US

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." -Teaching26, Virginia.

Today, I found out that my teenage daughter isn't really pregnant, and only said she was in the hopes of my husband and I throwing her out of our home. -sadmum, Australia

Today, I discovered my eight-year-old decided to turn off the freezer... yesterday. So for Mother's Day, instead of not cooking anything, I'll be cooking EVERYTHING. -minnamouse, Alabama

Today, my little brother thought that it would be funny to put my Xbox games in the toaster and melt them. This was the day I was going to sell my Xbox and games to get an engagement ring for my girlfriend.  -Xbox Raped, UK.

Today, my daughter started crying at the mall. My daughter is 17, and she was crying because I wouldn't buy her 'Hello Kitty' stickers. -HelloKittyHater, Washington.

Today, a group of kids with their teacher were walking by me. One of them pointed at me and asked their teacher if I was a boy or girl. The teacher responded with, "That's a boy." Wrong. -t, Maryland

"WHY ME?" Work Horror Stories

Today, after having enough of the people I worked with, I decided to quit and walk out dramatically. When I got home I realized I had left my blackberry on my desk. -Anonymous, California


Today, my boss told me I needed to wait for a very important phone call because the rest of my department had something very important to do. Which was that they needed to pick up beer and play nine holes of golf. -Chad, Massachusetts


Today, I realized the reason I've been jobless for over a year is because I've been writing the wrong phone number on every application I've filled out. -ufgh, Oregon


Today, my boss fired me. A couple hours later, he texted me to ask me out on a date, since it would no longer be breaking company policy to see each other. -Jenn, Canada


Today, I was fired from my dream job because I was an hour late for work. I was trapped inside the elevator of the work building along with a coworker. He was not fired, nor did he get a warning. -TheEndofHumanity, Canada

Today, I went to the park on my lunch break. One of the benches had a "Wet Paint" sign on it so I sat on the one opposite. I guess someone thought it would be funny to switch the sign. I had a meeting after lunch. -Luckedout, Australia

Today, I misspelled a word at work. I am a tattoo artist.   
-youdontknowme, Oregon

"WHY ME?" Life Horror Stories

Today, at work, an unhappy customer called. She demanded to be transferred to someone, but mispronounced their name. I put the phone on hold and started talking to my coworker about how dumb she must be to mispronounce such a simple name. She was on speaker instead of hold. -katasstrophy, U.S.

Today, I was bored at home and decided to do the Circle of Life from the Lion King with my rabbit. He started kicking violently as I was holding him up, causing me to drop him directly on my face. A chunk of my eyebrow is now missing, and I look exactly like Scar. -Mufasalol, UK

Today, I was using the bathroom in one of my academic buildings. I stood up and pulled up my pants, and out of my back pocket fell my keys and ID card. Hearing the splash as they hit the water, I gasped in horror and made a motion to reach in. The motion triggered the automatic flush. -SageHen47, U.S.

Today, my drama teacher was casting our upcoming show, Romeo and Juliet. I was thrilled when he picked me as Juliet. Then he announced who would be playing Romeo. My brother. -elisabooo, U.S.

Today, I wrote a love letter to this girl. I poured my heart and soul into it. I slipped it in her calculus book, and she read it. Then she showed her friend and said, "I want to know who wrote this love letter. I love them!" I told her it was me, and she said, "You liar. You're an ugly creeper." -jajabruno, U.S.

Today, I found out that my friends have been plotting for months to set me up with a guy they call "loud, smelly, and obnoxious". When I asked them why, they said it's because we "have so much in common." -Anonymous, U.S.

Today, I screamed when a snake attacked me. Oh wait, it was a rubber hose. And I'm also a 45 year old man. -Floooploopsoo, Malaysia

Today, my son recommended a book for me to read. He even said the mom in the book reminded him of me. I read it and the mom is a horrible wicked nagging woman. In the book they even say "the wicked bitch" which he took the courtesy of underlining and circling. I love you too son. -Anonymous, U.S.

Today, I drove to the store with my dog and left my keys in the ignition while I ran in to get a few things. When I came out, my dog had somehow locked the doors. -LockedOut, Canada